You are here: Home / HPRC Blog

Filed under: Couples

Thankful for you?

A little appreciation can go a long way in keeping the relationship with your significant other at its best, especially when deployment means you are apart for a time.

Do you show your loved one appreciation? Gratitude is an essential element in happy relationships. Couples who feel appreciated by their significant others in turn are more appreciative back to the other person. Also, when shown appreciation, people tend to be more responsive to their significant other’s needs. In short, gratitude is contagious! Try it. When you next talk to your significant other, find something to be appreciative about and see if it has any positive ripple effects. This can also help maintain intimacy when you are apart from your loved one due to deployment or TDY.

For more ideas to enhance your relationship, check out the Performance Booster on Couples Communication and Relationship Enhancement section of the HPRC’s site.

Are you friends with your significant other?

Couples who are also friends with one another are usually happier and healthier, making friendship with your significant other an important part of a Warfighter’s fitness.

Love may be the most important part of choosing a partner—but do you also think about friendship? Couples who both love AND cultivate a friendship with each other have happier and more stable relationships over the long run—and people in happier relationships tend to be healthier. That makes friendship with your significant other one more factor in a Warfighter’s total fitness package.

If you’re wondering how to cultivate a friendship with your partner, try starting up a conversation around topics like these that will bring you closer:

  • What is it about yourself that you’re most proud of?
  • What would you like to see happen for us in the next five years?
  • Who are your best friends at this point in your life?
  • What attracted you to me when we first met?

In other words, you can build a friendship together by talking about your experiences, wants, and dreams. For more tips on building or maintaining a strong relationship, check out HPRC's Answer on how to optimize your relationships.

Comprehensive Soldier AND Family Program

The Army’s CSF resilience-enhancement program is now CSF2, which includes training for and by spouses.

The Army has changed the name of its Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program—its new name is Comprehensive Soldier & Family Fitness – CSF2. The resilience-enhancement program now includes spouses and allows them to be trained and serve as Master Resilience Trainers (MRTs). In CSF2, spouses can attend a 10-day, 80-hour course—the same program as for soldiers—and then can go on to help train other spouses in resilience and psychological health.

HPRC’s new Performance Strategy on couples communication

HPRC offers a set of strategies you can put to work on improving communication with your “significant other.”

Have you ever wondered what a truly healthy relationship looks like? Did you know some arguments can be healthy? And are you curious as to what the difference is between a healthy argument and an unhealthy one? If you are, you’ll want to check out HPRC’s Performance Strategy on couples communication that highlights strategies you can instantly apply to your relationships.

Taking time to readjust

Post-deployment life takes time for everyone—not just the returning Warfighter—to adjust to.

Post-deployment life presents challenges on many fronts, including, or particularly, reestablishing relationships. The relationship between children and the returned parent often takes time to rebuild—possibly several months. This amount of time is normal, and an effort should be made to not take it personally. Rather, build positive family bonding through activities like going to the park or playing games, and allow time for the relationship to redevelop.

Tips for couples during deployment

Two studies provide tips for surviving separation by communicating with your loved one during deployment.

Family separations in the military have the added stress of uncertainty. For that reason, couples may need to make additional effort in order to communicate well while separated. Two studies offer tips for how to handle communication during deployment.

One recent study examined communication between military husbands and their wives during deployment. Interviews with wives of deployed Warfighters revealed that couples can deal better with the stress of being separated by balancing talk of everyday things with more meaningful conversations. Couples generally seemed to benefit from keeping deployment communication similar to non-deployment communication in both planned and spontaneous discussions.

Another study examined communication during deployment, as well as PTSD after deployment, and found that the positive impact of emails, care packages, and letters depended on how happy participants were with their relationships. More emails, packages, or letters during deployment sent between happier couples was associated with lower PTSD symptoms post-deployment.

Both of these findings suggest that strong, happy relationships play an important role before, during, and after deployment. For more ideas and tips for optimizing your communication and/or relationships, visit HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.

Assess your relationship

Self-assessment questions can help you keep your relationship on the right track.

It’s normal for relationships to go through ups and downs, and at times it can be difficult to know whether to work through things alone or seek help from a professional. The Navy and Marine Corps Public Health Center's website has a list of questions to help you assess your relationship. Given your responses, they suggest whether you should see a counselor or doctor or try self-help strategies. Common issues that couples face include communication difficulties, power struggles, money conflicts, and differences in parenting styles. You'll find self-help tips in the following areas:

  • Communication. Learn how to communicate more effectively with “I”-statements, perspective taking, timing, omitting distractions, and sharing issues.
  • Jealousy. Learn how to handle jealousy, with tips such as focusing on the importance of the relationship, expressing your emotions, communicating, being supportive, and helping to solve problems together.
  • Sex. Talk to one another about your needs so you can work together on areas where your desires are compatible.
  • Money. More tips help you handle money matters such as budgeting, credit history, and credit card advice.

For additional information, you can also visit the Relationship Skills section of HPRC’s website.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #4: Friendship

A marital friendship is an important part of long-term marital satisfaction.

In this final entry in our holiday season series, we remind you to foster a good friendship with your loved ones. Try these ideas:

  • Discuss each other's goals and dreams for the future.
  • Listen to the your partner talk about the daily things that interest him or her, and share what interests you.
  • Do things together that you both enjoy.

Friendship with your partner is an important part of long-term marital satisfaction.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #3: Repair

When tensions arise between you and a loved one or friend, here are some tips to help you defuse and repair the situation.

When having a disagreement with your spouse or partner, defusing the situation helps calm things down and helps you and the other person reconnect and repair your relationship. You can defuse most situations by:

  • agreeing to disagree;
  • bringing humor into the conversation;
  • using gentle statements; or
  • being intimate.

Sometimes what works in one conflict doesn’t work in another. Be flexible and see what works—make the effort to use one or more of these techniques in every disagreement.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #2: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” are characteristics that when present in communicating can destroy relationship satisfaction over time.

Last week we started a series on survival tips for couples during the holiday season and discussed how many positive interactions couples need to do to make up for one negative interaction. This week, we're focusing on the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”—a term coined by researchers for four features of communication that can destroy a relationship over time. Try to avoid these when communicating with your loved one:

  • Criticism: Don’t made global negative statements about each other.
  • Contempt: Don’t be sarcastic (in a mean way) or mocking towards your loved one.
  • Defensiveness: Don’t respond to defend your behavior without first listening.
  • Stonewalling: Don’t withdraw or ignore your loved one.

Too much of these characteristics has been linked to unhappy relationships over the long term. As stress and tensions rise throughout this holiday season, remember to be vigilant about avoiding these four kinds of behavior.

RSS Feed