Filed under: Deployment
When there’s consensus among family members about your military service, life is much easier. It’s normal for loved ones to have differing views about service and/or levels of commitment over time. But when there’s a big difference, some families might feel an extra burden of stress or sadness. Here are some tips to help build a bridge to family harmony. Read more here.
Members of the military community know how hard it can be to be separated during deployments for months at a time, but even with miles between your loved ones, there are ways to communicate and connect. October 26th marks the Day of the Deployed, a day set aside to recognize the devotion and sacrifice of our military personnel who serve and their families who live outside our nation. The National Day of the Deployed pays tribute to those whose military service has sent them outside the United States to ensure its safety and security.
Lengths and frequency of deployments are always changing. Most service members have been deployed at least once and often for stretches of 3.5–12 months. One way service members can communicate with people back home is through letters. In fact, writing letters can help improve relationship satisfaction more than other forms of communication. It’s easier to ensure privacy with a letter than with email or phone. More importantly, letters provide the writer opportunities to reread their work and take the time to express what they really mean.
There is no best formula for what to write in your letter. Couples can agree on rules for communication by talking through and finding agreement on what works well for both partners, such as staying away from certain topics. It’s sometimes best to keep the focus positive, saving tense topics for later. Some may prefer to keep open communication to help maintain a sense of intimacy. Keep the guesswork out of what to write by talking about it, and then enjoy the connection you experience through letter writing.
Identity theft can completely disrupt your life and ruin your credit history if you don’t catch it quickly, so learn what you need to do. So, what is identity theft? It’s a serious crime in which someone assumes your identity by using your personal information or property—typically your Social Security number or credit cards—without your permission. There are three basic types of identity theft:
- Unauthorized or attempted use of existing credit cards
- Unauthorized or attempted use of existing checking accounts
- Unauthorized or attempted use of personal information to obtain credit cards, accounts, or loans or to commit other crimes
If your home is unoccupied for an extended time, it may be a goldmine for thieves to dig through trashcans, dumpsters, or storage areas for documents with useful pieces of information. Even if you’re home, it could be as easy as stealing a credit card from your mailbox or wallet.
When you’re getting ready for deployment, you can place an active duty alert on your credit reports that lasts for one calendar year. For more information about protecting your credit, review the Federal Trade Commission pamphlet Identity Theft – Military Personnel & Families. If it’s too late for prevention, visit FTC’s Identity Theft web page for information about how to recover.
The American Psychological Association (APA) wants to know how stressed out Americans are. Every year since 2007, they’ve conducted a yearly “Stress in America” survey in which they analyze trends about stress and its associated symptoms and behaviors across a range of people living in the U.S. In August 2013, they focused on 1,018 teens (ages 13-17).
A recent report of this information about teens and stress showed that the stats are staggering. Teens from the general population (civilian and military) exceed healthy levels of stress, mirroring the trends in the U.S. among adults. Stress affects sleep, exercise, and eating. Teens tend to get 7.4 hours of sleep on school nights, while the recommended amount is around nine or more hours according to the National Sleep Foundation, and between nine and 10 hours according to the National Institutes of Health. One in five teens exercises less than once a week or not at all. And 23% of teens report that they’ve skipped at least one meal in the past month due to stress.
Parents’ deployments are extremely challenging for children and teens, so military teens often have to deal with additional stressors. Consider this:
- When a parent deploys for 19 months or more, kids’ achievement scores are lower than peers’ scores.
- Teachers and counselors say that parental deployment can cause stress at home, often leading to more problems at school (such as incomplete homework, skipping school, or a less-engaged parent).
- Kids’ resiliency can be impacted when a parent is away, and parents/teachers/counselors sometimes feel that helpful resources can be hard to navigate.
What can you and your teens do to combat their stress?
- Watch for signs of stress, and actively use stress-management techniques. You can also find children-centered techniques in these HPRC resources. Recognize that stress-management skills are important to develop whether you are a Warfighter, family member, or civilian.
- Military parents can alert teachers and counselors when a parent is deployed and enlist whatever support is available.
- Parents’ well-being impacts their teens’ well-being. Be sure to take care of yourself by eating right (individually or with your family), exercising, and managing your own stress.
- Bolster resiliency skills, both in times of stress and in times of calm. You can learn how with practical tips in "Building Family Resilience."
Deployment can be a challenge for couples, but it can also be a time of potential growth for a relationship. Questions invariably arise such as, “How much should I share with my partner? How often can we talk?” Some couples easily develop a dynamic that works for them; for others, the feeling of closeness is hard to hold on to when one partner is far away. Whether it’s your first deployment or you’re a seasoned veteran, here are some tips you can add to your deployment arsenal:
- Balance talk of "everyday" things with more-intimate conversations about deeper feelings and meaning.
- When there’s a lull in communication, whether it’s a day or a few weeks (due to mission requirements), think about creative ways to stay feeling connected such as journaling, burning video-diary messages on a DVD, or writing cards or letters.
- Communicate marriage-related emotions that come up during deployment; don’t put them off for later.
- If you’ve been through deployments before, think and talk about what worked for each of you and what you would like to do next time. Sometimes couples want the same things, but more often each person has different or even opposing wants. When this happens, it’s a good time to practice problem solving to find compromises that address each person’s desires as much as possible.
- Take good care of yourself and use your favorite stress-management techniques. Stress can increase the likelihood of getting into fights with your loved ones!
- Finally, don’t forget to weave appreciation for your partner into your conversations; read "Thankful for you?" to learn why appreciation is important for couples.
But most important: Figure out what works best for you. For more ideas on strengthening relationships check out HPRC’s Relationship Enhancement section.
Calling all parents of deployed or soon-to-be deployed Warfighters! With your son or daughter’s deployment—particularly the first one—there are probably questions that need answering before your son or daughter heads out. Experts suggest some of the following may help prepare for your child’s deployment:
- Help your Warfighter figure out what responsibilities need to be covered while he or she is deployed and which ones can be managed from abroad. For example, how will the cell phone bill get paid? If he/she has a pet, who will care for it? Are there any bills that can be put on autopayment (such as a car payment)?
- Also, who will keep/store the car, motorcycle, or other belongings? Will anyone be allowed to drive or use them?
- Then there are the tough but necessary questions such as who will make medical decisions if your Warfighter becomes disabled and who will be the beneficiary of death benefits.
- Finally, if your Warfighter has a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband, make sure you know them and have established open lines of communication, as they are often the ones with the most information about your son or daughter while deployed.
Planning for these kinds of details ahead of time can help make deployment(s) go smoothly. You can also encourage them to take advantage of their G.I. benefits for schooling while deployed. For more resources to help with deployment, explore the Deployment section of HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
Identity theft is a serious crime that can completely disrupt your life through credit card charges and ruined credit history if the theft is not caught quickly. So, what is identity theft? It’s what happens when someone assumes your identity by using your personal information or property—typically your Social Security number or credit cards—without your permission. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, there are three general types of incidents:
- Unauthorized use or attempted use of existing credit cards
- Unauthorized use or attempted use of checking accounts
- Unauthorized use or attempted use of personal information to get credit cards, accounts, or loans or to commit other crimes
Homes unoccupied for extended periods may be goldmines for thieves to dig through trashcans, dumpsters, or storage areas at homes or apartment buildings for documents with useful pieces of information. Or it may be as easy as stealing a credit card from your mailbox or directly from your wallet.
When getting ready for deployments, you can place an active duty alert on your credit reports that lasts for one calendar year. For more information and tips, review the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) handout for Warfighters and their families.
Pre-deployment can mean a number of things to a Warfighter, from intense training or drills to saying farewell to family and friends. Preparation for deployment can be over months or at a moment’s notice with little or no time to settle your affairs. It’s important to have a checklist and contact list ready to use prior to your departure so you’re ready, whatever the scenario.
Having your personal finances in order should be a high priority. Options for being ready might include contacting a financial advisor, setting up automatic deposits and withdrawals, creating a monthly budget, checking into over-withdrawal options, adding a close friend or family member to your account to act in your absence, and reviewing your financial information and account numbers with a responsible person. Once all your financial ducks are in a row, your finances will be easy to maintain.
Your checklist should also include items such as legal documents, personal property review, auto and home insurance and maintenance, medical information, and international phone coverage.