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How parents of service members can help

Parents of deploying Warfighters can help their son or daughter in many ways to get ready for deployment.

Calling all parents of deployed or soon-to-be deployed Warfighters! With your son or daughter’s deployment—particularly the first one—there are probably questions that need answering before your son or daughter heads out. Experts suggest some of the following may help prepare for your child’s deployment:

  • Help your Warfighter figure out what responsibilities need to be covered while he or she is deployed and which ones can be managed from abroad. For example, how will the cell phone bill get paid? If he/she has a pet, who will care for it? (Check out HPRC's article about the latter.) Are there any bills that can be put on autopayment (such as a car payment)?
  • Also, who will keep/store the car, motorcycle, or other belongings? Will anyone be allowed to drive or use them?
  • Then there are the tough but necessary questions such as who will make medical decisions if your Warfighter becomes disabled and who will be the beneficiary of death benefits.
  • Finally, if your Warfighter has a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband, make sure you know them and have established open lines of communication, as they are often the ones with the most information about your son or daughter while deployed.

Planning for these kinds of details ahead of time can help make deployment(s) go smoothly. You can also encourage them to take advantage of their G.I. benefits for schooling while deployed. For more resources to help with deployment, explore the Deployment section of HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.

Keep the happy in holidays: Celebrate your friends and family

Celebrate your friends and family this holiday season by showing them you appreciate them.

While it’s true that sometimes the ones we love the most are the ones who can really get under our skin, particularly during the holidays when everyone’s together (know what your irritators are and how to deal with them), it’s also true that many of us have reason to celebrate our family and friends.

Appreciation is a powerful tool in fostering strong relationships, but it’s often overlooked in the business of everyday life. This holiday season take the time to let your family and friends know that you appreciate them. This can be in words or actions—it could be as simple as just taking the time to let them know you love and appreciate them, or you could show your appreciation with a gesture. For example, maybe your brother or best friend hasn’t had time for his favorite hobby lately due to family responsibilities. By offering to babysit the kids for an afternoon, you’d give him the chance to take time for himself. Small things go a long way in showing appreciation—this holiday season and all next year.

For more ideas on strengthening relationships, check out the Family Relationships section of HPRC’s website.

Keep the happy in the holidays: Shift your thinking

Start this year’s holiday season by focusing on being happy. Shift your thinking to decrease stress.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, but for many the expectations around the season leave them feeling depressed, lacking in motivation, feeling family friction more acutely, and on top of all of that, vulnerable to overeating. Now’s the time to shift your thinking to stay happy this holiday season. Check back every week as we present tips on how you can do this for yourself.

Tip #1: Shift your thinking to decrease stress

Realistically, it’s unlikely you can make holiday stress just go away, but you can change your response to that stress. Noticing your thoughts and emotional reactions can empower you to experience different, less-charged reactions, resulting in more positive thoughts and actions. Learn about the common thinking traps that you can get stuck in and how to reframe them. Noticing and then shifting your thinking can have a big impact on what you feel—try it out and see for yourself.

For more ideas, check out HPRC’s section on Mental Resilience.

Having the same conversation over and over?

Going over the same things again and again in your relationship—with no new results? Learn how to break that cycle.

Do you ever feel that you and your partner talk about the same issues over and over again? You’re not alone: Only 30% or so of the problems couples struggle with can actually be solved, leading to discussions that keep coming up about the other 70%. Solving the issues that can be solved is great, but learning how to interact in a positive manner about the “perpetual problems” is a good skill in any relationship.

One way to do this is to go through a structured problem-solving strategy such as this:

  1. Specifically state the issue.
  2. Briefly state why the issue is important.
  3. Brainstorm and discuss possible solutions to the issue.
  4. Have everyone involved agree on a realistic “solution”—even if it’s just a game plan for how each person is going to respond about the topic.
  5. Pick a specific amount of time to try the solution.
  6. Then give the solution a try.

Remember, the “solution” doesn’t have to mean a resolution to the problem; it can just be about new ways to approach the issue. For example, if you fight over one of you being late frequently, discuss ahead of time how you each would like the other person to respond. Maybe the latecomer needs to call or text if running late, or the punctual person calls ahead to find out if the other will be on time. And maybe you need to set a window of time rather than something exact.

For more tips on communication between two people, check out “Basic Training for Couples—Communication” and more in HPRC’s Relationship Enhancement section.

In the middle of a fight, change your focus

If fights with your loved ones last longer than the argument itself, then check out this strategy for refocusing your mind and calming your body.

When you find yourself in an argument with a loved one, it’s important to be able to move on afterwards without being burdened by negative feelings. But sometimes the negativity can hang on after the argument itself is over, and can make interacting with the other person difficult. It’s important to work out those negative feelings so that they don’t fester and wreak more havoc in your relationships.

Here’s how: When you find yourself in the middle of an argument, take a time-out before you become too worked up. It’s easier to shake off negativity at this stage. Stay levelheaded enough to stop the argument, walk away, focus on something else, and make yourself focus on positive thoughts about yourself, something else, or your loved one. While you are doing this, also engage in some stress-management techniques such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation; you can learn about them in the Mind-Body Skills section of HPRC’s website. By refocusing your thoughts and letting go of stress in your body, you’re more likely to feel calmer, slow your heart rate, and be less reactive to the other person. Once you’re calmer, you’ll probably find it easier to interact more positively with the other person and do or say things that can enhance your relationship.

For more ideas on strengthening your relationships, check out HPRC’s Relationship Enhancement section or this article on “Basic Training for Couples Communication.” And for more information on handling stress, check out HPRC’s Stress Management section.

Exercise for children and teens

Exercise is an important aspect of healthy child and teen development. Learn about guidelines and tips.

Physical fitness is important at any age, and it’s especially important that children begin leading healthy, active lifestyles early on. Regular exercise for kids can build strong muscles and bones and promote overall health. Exercise can also boost kids’ self-esteem, improve sleep, and stimulate learning in school. But do you know what kinds of exercise your children or teens should be doing? Check out HPRC’s Answer, “Put some fun in your children’s fitness,” to find out.

Total Force Fitness, HPRC, and your family

Learn tips for strengthening your family from a Total Force Fitness perspective from a recently released DoD Crisis Support Guide.

The recently released report from the Department of Defense, “Supporting Military Families In Crisis,” offers information for families about what to do in a crisis as well as how to prevent crises. The guide focuses on suicide prevention, following the Total Force Fitness perspective, but the information applies to many other areas of military family life, especially the section titled “Building a Resilient Family.” HPRC can help your family with many of their suggestions:

  • Keep your mind fit: Check out HPRC’s Mind Tactics domain for how to go about it.
  • Build resilience through coping skills and other strategies: Find information on building resilience in the Mental Resilience section of Mind Tactics.
  • Foster a sense of belonging: Try the resources in the Relationship Enhancement and Family Resilience sections of HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
  • Train year-round: Find ideas for getting the most out of your workouts from the Performance Strategies in HPRC’s Physical Fitness domain.
  • Be aware of your world: Learn specific strategies for coping with extreme environments—heat, cold, high altitude, and more—in HPRC’s Environment domain.
  • Eat your way healthy: Learn how to fuel your body for optimal performance with HPRC’s Nutrition domain.

And to learn how to bring all these aspects together for individual and family resilience in the face of any crisis, spend some time cruising HPRC’s Total Force Fitness domain.

An app for building military family resilience

Learn about the new FOCUS app for building family resilience.

A new app for promoting military family resilience—Focus On The Go—has been released in partnership with the FOCUS (Families Overcoming Under Stress) resiliency program. It has a variety of activities and resources for your entire family, including skill-building games with more than 40 levels for a variety of ages, including parents.

For more resources to help build family resilience, check out HPRC’s Family Resilience section.

Financial readiness—Your pre-deployment checklist

Pre-deployment checklists should include your personal finances. Financial readiness means one less thing for you and those back home to worry about.

Pre-deployment can mean a number of things to a Warfighter, from intense training or drills to saying farewell to family and friends. Preparation for deployment can be over months or at a moment’s notice with little or no time to settle your affairs. It’s important to have a checklist and contact list ready to use prior to your departure so you’re ready, whatever the scenario.

Having your personal finances in order should be a high priority. Options for being ready might include contacting a financial advisor, setting up automatic deposits and withdrawals, creating a monthly budget, checking into over-withdrawal options, adding a close friend or family member to your account to act in your absence, and reviewing your financial information and account numbers with a responsible person. Once all your financial ducks are in a row, your finances will be easy to maintain.

Your checklist should also include items such as legal documents, personal property review, auto and home insurance and maintenance, medical information, and international phone coverage.

For more information, check out DoD’s Military Deployment Guide. Finally, be knowledgeable of your rights through the Servicemember Civil Relief Act (SCRA).

The Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness

Learn about the Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness, a resource for professionals who work with military families.

Are you a professional who would like to know more about the evidence behind a program that you are thinking about using with military families? Or are you a military family member currently participating in a program you want to find out more about? Check out Pennsylvania State University’s Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness. HPRC’s Answer describes this program and the services it provides.

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