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Keep the happy in holidays: Check your money assumptions

Keep the happy in the holidays this year by examining the assumptions you have about money and the holidays. This tip will help you learn to re-evaluate your thinking.

Check your money assumptions

Continuing our series on keeping the happy in the holidays this year, this week’s tip is to check your money assumptions. Finances can be strained during the holidays. This is not just an emotional problem, but how you think about money can affect you emotionally. Do you find yourself thinking, “I must give my family as good a Christmas as I had as a kid” or “I should be able to buy my kids whatever they want”? The fact is, you may like things to be different, but must or should they? Get rid of words such as “must” or “should” and focus instead on thoughts such as “What can I afford?” and “Are there ways I can make the holidays special without spending a lot of money?” Then notice how you feel without the constraints of what you must or should do. Instead, give yourself permission to give your family the holiday you can afford this year.

For more information on managing your money, check out HPRC’s articles on creating a budget and credit reports.

Keep the happy in the holidays: Be a gratitude-seeker

Developing a sense of gratitude can enhance your happiness. Learn more about this skill for promoting happiness this holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving! In HPRC’s series on “Keeping the Happy in the Holidays,” this week we focus on being a gratitude-seeker. Gratitude is a state of mind that that can be hard to foster in our busy lives, particularly during the holidays. This holiday season set some time aside for gratitude.

The Defense Centers of Excellence suggests some tips for cultivating this skill, including:

• Spend two minutes a day thinking about what you are grateful for,

• Write five things daily in a gratitude journal

• Look for things to be grateful for in your everyday life.

For more ideas on fostering happiness, check out HPRC’s section on Mental Resilience.

Keep the happy in the holidays: Experiment with expectations

Experiment with your expectations this holiday season and see how shifting your thinking can shift your experiences with your loved ones.

HPRC’s series on staying happy over the holidays started last week (read the first BLUF here). This week, try experimenting with your expectations in order to sail through the holidays with a smile.

If you have visions of the holidays being a certain way—with lots of fun, togetherness, love, joy, and no discord—you may feel disappointed when the reality turns out to be something else. It’s natural to feel this way, but take stock of how your expectations perhaps contributed to your disappointment. Try experimenting with different ways of looking at things. For example, think about what’s behind your holiday expectations. Is it really a happier holiday when you spend more money? Can the entire holidays be filled with fun? Can you get along with everyone all the time? Are your expectations realistic? describes how to foster realistic thinking and have a clearer lens to the world by focusing on what is probable instead of wasting time thinking about things that are unlikely. In other words, focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. This can be particularly helpful for your relationships.

For more ideas on enhancing your relationships, check out HPRC’s Relationship Enhancement section and, for other mind tactics, Mental Resilience section.

Keep the happy in the holidays: Shift your thinking

Start this year’s holiday season by focusing on being happy. Shift your thinking to decrease stress.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, but for many the expectations around the season leave them feeling depressed, lacking in motivation, feeling family friction more acutely, and on top of all of that, vulnerable to overeating. Now’s the time to shift your thinking to stay happy this holiday season. Check back every week as we present tips on how you can do this for yourself.

Tip #1: Shift your thinking to decrease stress

Realistically, it’s unlikely you can make holiday stress just go away, but you can change your response to that stress. Noticing your thoughts and emotional reactions can empower you to experience different, less-charged reactions, resulting in more positive thoughts and actions. Learn about the common thinking traps that you can get stuck in and how to reframe them. Noticing and then shifting your thinking can have a big impact on what you feel—try it out and see for yourself.

For more ideas, check out HPRC’s section on Mental Resilience.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from HPRC! Review some safety tips for a great holiday this year.

HPRC wishes you a very Happy Halloween! Halloween can be a fun family holiday, with costumes, trick-or-treating, parties, and food. But before you jump all in, review some safety tips to keep this holiday fun and safe! The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention highlights some tips: Don’t trick or treat alone or stop at dark houses and do wear reflective tape, examine all candy for evidence of tampering, avoid homemade treats, and use a flashlight. Visit the CDC website to read the full article.

Tips for families separated during the holidays

Just a little effort can help keep the holiday spirit alive when a family member is away on deployment.

The holidays can be hard for families when a loved one is deployed. This blog entry from the Defense Centers of Excellence, “Preparing Your Family for the Holidays Apart,” has some tips for the holidays for the family at home, including:

  • Continue gift exchanges even if family members are apart, as traditions are important.
  • Socialize with your friends and family as usual; don’t isolate yourself.

Family members can even get creative with holiday traditions, such as making holiday ornaments with names of loved ones and/or writing letters to be opened during the holiday season.

Be mindful during the holidays

Stressed out by the holidays? A bit of mindfulness can help.

The holidays can sometimes be a stressful time filled with loved ones and activities. This year, try practicing one of the healthy stress busters you can find on HPRC’s website—by yourself or with your family. For example, give brief meditation a try.

You can even try this as a family: Have someone lead the meditation and give occasional cues. Note that this generally works better with older children!

For more information on strategies for stress, visit the Stress Control section in HPRC’s Mind Tactics domain.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #4: Friendship

A marital friendship is an important part of long-term marital satisfaction.

In this final entry in our holiday season series, we remind you to foster a good friendship with your loved ones. Try these ideas:

  • Discuss each other's goals and dreams for the future.
  • Listen to the your partner talk about the daily things that interest him or her, and share what interests you.
  • Do things together that you both enjoy.

Friendship with your partner is an important part of long-term marital satisfaction.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #3: Repair

When tensions arise between you and a loved one or friend, here are some tips to help you defuse and repair the situation.

When having a disagreement with your spouse or partner, defusing the situation helps calm things down and helps you and the other person reconnect and repair your relationship. You can defuse most situations by:

  • agreeing to disagree;
  • bringing humor into the conversation;
  • using gentle statements; or
  • being intimate.

Sometimes what works in one conflict doesn’t work in another. Be flexible and see what works—make the effort to use one or more of these techniques in every disagreement.

Survival tips for couples during the holidays #1: Positive versus negative

Learn how many positive behaviors you need to make up for one negative behavior in your relationship with your partner.

The holidays can sometimes be a difficult time for relationships. Through this holiday season, remember to compliment your loved ones and show them on a daily basis that you care for them. are thinking of them, and love them. Couples who do five positive actions for every negative one are more likely to have long, happy, successful marriages. Contrastingly, unhappy couples are more likely to have one positive interaction—or even less—for every negative interaction.

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