Filed under: Military families
Do you ever feel that you and your partner talk about the same issues over and over again? You’re not alone: Only 30% or so of the problems couples struggle with can actually be solved, leading to discussions that keep coming up about the other 70%. Solving the issues that can be solved is great, but learning how to interact in a positive manner about the “perpetual problems” is a good skill in any relationship.
One way to do this is to go through a structured problem-solving strategy such as this:
- Specifically state the issue.
- Briefly state why the issue is important.
- Brainstorm and discuss possible solutions to the issue.
- Have everyone involved agree on a realistic “solution”—even if it’s just a game plan for how each person is going to respond about the topic.
- Pick a specific amount of time to try the solution.
- Then give the solution a try.
Remember, the “solution” doesn’t have to mean a resolution to the problem; it can just be about new ways to approach the issue. For example, if you fight over one of you being late frequently, discuss ahead of time how you each would like the other person to respond. Maybe the latecomer needs to call or text if running late, or the punctual person calls ahead to find out if the other will be on time. And maybe you need to set a window of time rather than something exact.
November 11th is Veterans Day. HPRC would like to take this moment to thank each and every one of our Veterans and their family members who have so selflessly served our country. The VA describes Veteran’s Day as “a celebration to honor America’s veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.”
Thank you to our Vets!
Parenting can be a challenge under the best of circumstances. The extra stressors associated with the military lifestyle can make parenting even more challenging. The Department of Defense and Veterans Affairs now has a website dedicated to parenting for service members and veterans—militaryparenting.org. You can take courses and view modules and tip sheets on a variety of topics, including:
- Promoting positive parent-child communications
- Helping your child with difficult emotions and behaviors
- Having a positive approach to discipline
- Managing stress and emotions as a parent
- Tips for talking about your deployment
- Essential communication strategies
For more resources on parenting and fostering family resilience, check out HPRC’s section on “Rock Solid Families.”
In relationships, “capitalization” refers to the process of sharing good news with one another. It’s easy to sympathize with buddies when times are tough, but studies have shown that responding to good news with support and enthusiasm helps build stronger relationships between individuals. So remember to receive good news from coworkers, friends, and family with enthusiasm. It can not only strengthen your relationships but also create a positive environment.
For more information on building strong relationships, check out the Family & Relationships domain.
A new app for promoting military family resilience—Focus On The Go—has been released in partnership with the FOCUS (Families Overcoming Under Stress) resiliency program. It has a variety of activities and resources for your entire family, including skill-building games with more than 40 levels for a variety of ages, including parents.
For more resources to help build family resilience, check out HPRC’s Family Resilience section.
Pre-deployment can mean a number of things to a Warfighter, from intense training or drills to saying farewell to family and friends. Preparation for deployment can be over months or at a moment’s notice with little or no time to settle your affairs. It’s important to have a checklist and contact list ready to use prior to your departure so you’re ready, whatever the scenario.
Having your personal finances in order should be a high priority. Options for being ready might include contacting a financial advisor, setting up automatic deposits and withdrawals, creating a monthly budget, checking into over-withdrawal options, adding a close friend or family member to your account to act in your absence, and reviewing your financial information and account numbers with a responsible person. Once all your financial ducks are in a row, your finances will be easy to maintain.
Your checklist should also include items such as legal documents, personal property review, auto and home insurance and maintenance, medical information, and international phone coverage.
Are you a professional who would like to know more about the evidence behind a program that you are thinking about using with military families? Or are you a military family member currently participating in a program you want to find out more about? Check out Pennsylvania State University’s Clearinghouse for Military Family Readiness. HPRC’s Answer describes this program and the services it provides.
We all know the importance of communicating with our kids, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to say—particularly around issues such as sex, tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Healthfinder.gov (from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) has tips for how parents can talk to their kids about:
- Healthy relationships
- Tobacco, alcohol, and drugs
Having open communication lines with kids and teens is important for healthy development. For more information on maintaining or strengthening your family check out HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
Ever wonder how many military families live on installations, how many have children, what schools they attend, and the children of fallen service members? Military OneSource has created an "infographic" to give context on the demographics for military families. Check it out.
For information and resources geared specifically for military families, check out HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
Personal finances can be a major source of anxiety for Warfighters and family members. Creating a monthly budget can help. A budget is simply tracking money that comes in (income), goes out (expenses), and sticks around (your savings) each month. It does take some effort in the beginning to set up a budget, but once it’s done, it’s easy to update. If you don’t like using computer spreadsheets or writing things down in a ledger book, there are free apps you can use or budgeting programs you can buy. Or check around online—MilitaryOneSource has a budget worksheet. Or get help—some of the Military and Family Life Counselors (MFLC) are Personal Financial Management (PFM) counselors too. They are familiar with military life and its financial challenges, and using their services is free. Visit Military INSTALLATIONS to find the closest PFM to you. Finally, most banks offer tips on their websites on how to save and manage debt, and your local branch may offer free financial seminars.
The key to reducing expenses in order to save is easy—spend less. Many people, however, have a hard time cutting back on spending. A budget can help you keep on track. Saving money takes effort, but it’s worth it for your financial future.
Basic Formula: “Money In” minus “Money Out” equals “Money Retained.”