Filed under: Military families
More than likely you’ve learned some great and helpful relationship skills through the years to keep your relationships strong. It can often be helpful to add some more to your tool belt to keep things going well (or to get them back on track). Check out HPRC’s “Keeping Strong Family Relationships for Military Life” for some strategies.
HPRC recently posted an article with questions that parents of deploying Warfighters need to ask, but families of National Guard and Reserve Warfighters have additional challenges when their Warfighter deploys (such as being away from support at installations, financial changes, and shifts in childcare). It can help to think through some of these challenges and come up with a game plan ahead of time. Here are some examples to start with:
- Who needs to know about the upcoming deployment? (Teachers, doctors…)
- What’s the plan in case of an emergency (either stateside or while deployed)?
- Will the childcare arrangements need to shift during deployment? (This is especially important for single parents.)
- Will family income be reduced? Who will manage finances during this time?
- How will family members keep in touch with the deployed Warfighter? Does everyone in the family agree, or are there individual preferences? (For example, your oldest child may prefer to Skype rather than write letters.)
- Are there any military support organizations those at home can use for extra support?
- Will any holidays or birthdays be missed during the deployment? If so, maybe something special can be done ahead of time and saved for the specific day.
For more information on resources for before, during, and after deployment, check out the “Families & Deployment“ section of HPRC’s website.
Building family resilience is a process that lasts a lifetime, but it can be immensely rewarding. But what is resilience and how can military families in particular build it? HPRC has a resource called “Building Family Resilience” that can give you answers to these questions. The article covers military-specific stressors for families—including how deployment and reintegration impact family relationships, war-related physical and mental health conditions, and individual stress responses and risky behaviors in family members, both adults and children. It also highlights three key resilience-building skills—mind-body, cognitive-behavioral, and communication—and highlights resources to build resilience. Check it out.
For more information on building family resilience, check out the Family Resilience section of HPRC’s website.
Calling all parents of deployed or soon-to-be deployed Warfighters! With your son or daughter’s deployment—particularly the first one—there are probably questions that need answering before your son or daughter heads out. Experts suggest some of the following may help prepare for your child’s deployment:
- Help your Warfighter figure out what responsibilities need to be covered while he or she is deployed and which ones can be managed from abroad. For example, how will the cell phone bill get paid? If he/she has a pet, who will care for it? (Check out HPRC's article about the latter.) Are there any bills that can be put on autopayment (such as a car payment)?
- Also, who will keep/store the car, motorcycle, or other belongings? Will anyone be allowed to drive or use them?
- Then there are the tough but necessary questions such as who will make medical decisions if your Warfighter becomes disabled and who will be the beneficiary of death benefits.
- Finally, if your Warfighter has a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband, make sure you know them and have established open lines of communication, as they are often the ones with the most information about your son or daughter while deployed.
Planning for these kinds of details ahead of time can help make deployment(s) go smoothly. You can also encourage them to take advantage of their G.I. benefits for schooling while deployed. For more resources to help with deployment, explore the Deployment section of HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
In HPRC’s series on how to keep the happy in the holidays, last week we discussed experimenting with expectations. This week we’re focusing on coping with loss. If you’ve recently lost a loved one or experiencing the anniversary of a loss, or if a loved one is far away—deployed, for example—then consider coping with loss or distance in a unique way this holiday season. Connect with your absent loved one in creative ways, maybe by looking at family photographs or spending time with your memories. If he or she is away on duty, schedule video or phone chats to open gifts while “together,” or figure out a way to have his or her presence felt during your normal holiday rituals and celebrations.
For more information on family resilience, check out the Family Resilience section of HPRC’s website.
Do you ever feel that you and your partner talk about the same issues over and over again? You’re not alone: Only 30% or so of the problems couples struggle with can actually be solved, leading to discussions that keep coming up about the other 70%. Solving the issues that can be solved is great, but learning how to interact in a positive manner about the “perpetual problems” is a good skill in any relationship.
One way to do this is to go through a structured problem-solving strategy such as this:
- Specifically state the issue.
- Briefly state why the issue is important.
- Brainstorm and discuss possible solutions to the issue.
- Have everyone involved agree on a realistic “solution”—even if it’s just a game plan for how each person is going to respond about the topic.
- Pick a specific amount of time to try the solution.
- Then give the solution a try.
Remember, the “solution” doesn’t have to mean a resolution to the problem; it can just be about new ways to approach the issue. For example, if you fight over one of you being late frequently, discuss ahead of time how you each would like the other person to respond. Maybe the latecomer needs to call or text if running late, or the punctual person calls ahead to find out if the other will be on time. And maybe you need to set a window of time rather than something exact.
November 11th is Veterans Day. HPRC would like to take this moment to thank each and every one of our Veterans and their family members who have so selflessly served our country. The VA describes Veteran’s Day as “a celebration to honor America’s veterans for their patriotism, love of country, and willingness to serve and sacrifice for the common good.”
Thank you to our Vets!
Parenting can be a challenge under the best of circumstances. The extra stressors associated with the military lifestyle can make parenting even more challenging. The Department of Defense and Veterans Affairs now has a website dedicated to parenting for service members and veterans—militaryparenting.org. You can take courses and view modules and tip sheets on a variety of topics, including:
- Promoting positive parent-child communications
- Helping your child with difficult emotions and behaviors
- Having a positive approach to discipline
- Managing stress and emotions as a parent
- Tips for talking about your deployment
- Essential communication strategies
For more resources on parenting and fostering family resilience, check out HPRC’s section on “Rock Solid Families.”
In relationships, “capitalization” refers to the process of sharing good news with one another. It’s easy to sympathize with buddies when times are tough, but studies have shown that responding to good news with support and enthusiasm helps build stronger relationships between individuals. So remember to receive good news from coworkers, friends, and family with enthusiasm. It can not only strengthen your relationships but also create a positive environment.
For more information on building strong relationships, check out the Family & Relationships domain.
A new app for promoting military family resilience—Focus On The Go—has been released in partnership with the FOCUS (Families Overcoming Under Stress) resiliency program. It has a variety of activities and resources for your entire family, including skill-building games with more than 40 levels for a variety of ages, including parents.
For more resources to help build family resilience, check out HPRC’s Family Resilience section.