Filed under: Relationships
Caring enough to really listen when someone needs it—also known as being someone’s “wingman”—can make a big difference in a Warfighter’s life. Being a wingman means showing care and concern for a buddy consistently—if you’re separated, for example, it means staying in touch and checking in regularly to make sure you’re both okay. When a buddy is thinking of hurting himself or herself, a great wingman skill to use is ACE—the acronym for “Ask, Care, Escort.”
Ask. If you are concerned, ask directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?”
Care. Next, as wingman, care for your buddy by staying with him or her, actively listening, staying calm, and removing anything he or she could use to hurt him/herself.
Escort. Finally, take your buddy to someone who is trained to help, such as a primary care provider, chaplain, or health professional, and call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or 911 for additional support.
Reward your loved one this Valentine’s Day. In studies that looked at relationship satisfaction, it’s clear that we’re happiest when we feel rewarded. Think back to when you were a kid and when you did something good – did you get a reward? Studies with more than 12,000 people revealed something you probably already know: As adults, we feel rewarded when we have positive interactions with our significant others and when we hear from them that they value being in a relationship with us. So this year, in addition to the usual flowers or chocolates or whatever you do for each other, try two simple acts: Do or say something loving to your partner, and in your own words tell them you’re happy to be in a relationship with them.
For more information on enhancing your relationship check out HPRC’s Family & Relationships domain.
Do you show your loved one appreciation? Gratitude is an essential element in happy relationships. Couples who feel appreciated by their significant others in turn are more appreciative back to the other person. Also, when shown appreciation, people tend to be more responsive to their significant other’s needs. In short, gratitude is contagious! Try it. When you next talk to your significant other, find something to be appreciative about and see if it has any positive ripple effects. This can also help maintain intimacy when you are apart from your loved one due to deployment or TDY.
Anger is a normal feeling. It’s also inevitable that the people you love will at some point make you angry. Instead of letting your anger control you, however, find out how to control your anger. Managing your anger is important for both yourself and your relationships. Afterdeployment.org has handouts with information on anger and anger management, common myths about anger, tips on how to use timeouts to manage anger, and how to create an “anger control plan.” For strategies on how to further enhance your relationships, visit HPRC’s Overall Family Optimization Skills section.
Love may be the most important part of choosing a partner—but do you also think about friendship? Couples who both love AND cultivate a friendship with each other have happier and more stable relationships over the long run—and people in happier relationships tend to be healthier. That makes friendship with your significant other one more factor in a Warfighter’s total fitness package.
If you’re wondering how to cultivate a friendship with your partner, try starting up a conversation around topics like these that will bring you closer:
- What is it about yourself that you’re most proud of?
- What would you like to see happen for us in the next five years?
- Who are your best friends at this point in your life?
- What attracted you to me when we first met?
In other words, you can build a friendship together by talking about your experiences, wants, and dreams. For more tips on building or maintaining a strong relationship, check out HPRC's Answer on how to optimize your relationships.
Being able to communicate effectively with those around us is a great way not only to enhance our relationships but also to ward off unnecessary stress. When having a conversation with a partner, friend, or coworker, most of us forget to communicate that we’re listening and that we understand what the other person is saying, which, can lead to arguments and/or misunderstandings. Show the other person that you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say— asking questions and showing supportive reactions will help the other person feel understood. The Kansas National Guard has a video that demonstrates four ways of responding, including one that is both active and constructive (the best way!).
You’ve heard the expression about being able to dish it out, but not being able to take it. Is there some truth to that? Being on the receiving end of criticism can be difficult, especially in a close relationship, and can provoke anger. If you think that avoiding, denying, making excuses, or fighting back are the best ways to handle criticism, take note of how many times those tactics have made it worse instead. The next time you feel criticized, try this: Listen to what is being said, ask for details, agree with your critic’s right to his or her opinion, and use the criticism as a learning opportunity. If you need time to think about what they are saying or to calm down, saying “Let me think about it” might be a good way to get some space.
Are you interested in ideas for activities with a positive bent for your family and friends? There’s an app for that—Positive Activity Jackpot—currently available for Android. The DCoE’s National Center for Telehealth and Technology has developed a free app that helps you find nearby activities and fun things to do with your family and friends. It also lets you invite people from your contacts list so they can join in the fun.
Have you ever wondered what a truly healthy relationship looks like? Did you know some arguments can be healthy? And are you curious as to what the difference is between a healthy argument and an unhealthy one? If you are, you’ll want to check out HPRC’s Performance Strategy on couples communication that highlights strategies you can instantly apply to your relationships.
Earlier this summer we highlighted a couple of military family programs for Warfighters and their family members. Did you know there are also programs for single Warfighters with the goal of enhancing morale and promoting fun, recreational activities?
The Army has the Better Opportunities for Single Soldiers (BOSS) program, which is open to all services, National Guardsmen, Reservists and Department of Defense civilians; the Navy has its Liberty Program, the Marines have the Single Marine Program (SMP), and the Air Force has the Single Airman Initiative Program (SAP). For more information, check out The Real Warriors campaign’s website, which describes these programs in more detail.
Single service member programs could be a great way to expand your social circle and have fun.