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Filed under: Trust

Should I trust the person I’m dating?

It’s risky to trust a new boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask yourself these questions to gain clarity about your partner’s trustworthiness.

Dating is a time to “experiment” with trust and evaluate if your relationship will last, so it’s normal to wonder if the person you’re dating is trustworthy. The decision to trust your new partner should depend on your own assessment of his or her commitment to you and your relationship. Mutual trust is a central component of your relationship and essential to helping it thrive.

Feeling confident that the one you’re dating will keep what you share private and have your best interests in mind helps build connection and intimacy in your relationship. Disclosing personal information—such as details from your past, your feelings on challenging topics, or intimate pictures of yourself—and knowing your partner respects your wishes not to circulate things is one way to tell if you share mutual values.

It’s risky to trust your new partner, and there’s no clear-cut way to tell if she or he is worthy of your confidence. Still, asking yourself these questions might help you gain some clarity.

  • Does your partner call as promised?
  • Can you count on him or her to show up as expected at your mutually agreed upon time and place?
  • Do others who know your boyfriend or girlfriend report that he or she is loyal and trustworthy?
  • Does he or she share information and show a willingness to trust you?
  • Is your girlfriend or boyfriend respectful of your personal wishes?
  • Do you feel pressured to share private information because she or he is insisting upon it?
  • Have you discussed and agreed to what’s okay to share with others?

Trustworthy people have integrity and care about others. If the person you’re dating pressures you to share intimate details that you’re uncomfortable revealing, listen to your instincts. If you have doubts, it’s okay to say, “No,” now and take more time to evaluate your comfort level. A trustworthy partner will respect your wishes. To learn more about building closeness and improving your relationship, visit HPRC’s Relationship Enhancement section.

Posted 10 April 2017

Are you dependable?

Filed under: Relationships, Trust
Being dependable is key for teamwork and group performance. Learn how to be someone others can depend on.

One key ingredient of trust is dependability—being able to depend on those around you. And trust is essential in all your close relationships, whether with your commanding officer, your spouse, or your coworker. You can strengthen your own dependability through the following:

  • Be there for others consistently. This can be as simple as returning calls or emails in a timely manner. Or it can be, for example, having your buddy’s back in a training exercise, “saving” his life.
  • Always act out of concern for another. For example, if a coworker is being badmouthed would you speak up to clear his or her name?
  • Share common interests or missions. If someone feels that you have similar goals and values, he or she is more likely to rely on you. For example, are you more likely to accept your supervisor’s influence if you know he or she values the same mission you do? The same goes at home: If your spouse feels that you both put the needs of your family over your individual interests, he or she is more likely to listen to you and trust you.

When you build trust by being dependable, you may find that those around you become more trustworthy and dependable too.” 

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