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Survival tips for couples during the holidays #2: The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

published: 12-15-2011 Journal entry icon

Last week we started a series on survival tips for couples during the holiday season and discussed how many positive interactions couples need to do to make up for one negative interaction. This week, we're focusing on the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”—a term coined by researchers for four features of communication that can destroy a relationship over time. Try to avoid these when communicating with your loved one:

  • Criticism: Don’t made global negative statements about each other.
  • Contempt: Don’t be sarcastic (in a mean way) or mocking towards your loved one.
  • Defensiveness: Don’t respond to defend your behavior without first listening.
  • Stonewalling: Don’t withdraw or ignore your loved one.

Too much of these characteristics has been linked to unhappy relationships over the long term. As stress and tensions rise throughout this holiday season, remember to be vigilant about avoiding these four kinds of behavior.