The term “family meeting” might sound formal or intimidating. But family meetings don’t have to be that way. Think of them as time you schedule just for your family to communicate and strengthen your family bonds.
Why schedule a family meeting?
Military families often lead fast-paced lives, so it’s important to be as intentional as possible with the time you do spend with your family. A family meeting can provide an opportunity for family connection and might help increase closeness with your loved ones. Family meetings can also:
- Help your children see how each family member’s actions affect one another.
- Boost your children’s self-esteem.
- Model effective conflict resolution for your children.
- Streamline communication among family members.
Use family meetings as a time to get together, discuss important topics, and listen to each other. Some topics to talk about in family meetings might include:
- House rules.
- Changes to family structure.
- An upcoming problem or situation your family is facing.
- An upcoming event, such as a family vacation, deployment, PCS move, or school event.
- Settling an ongoing dispute between siblings.
- Recognizing and rewarding progress.
- Setting weekly family goals.
Notice that not all of these family meetings topics focus on solving problems or resolving conflict. Family meetings can also bring up what a family member is doing well, perhaps clear up confusion about an issue, or ensure that everyone understands expectations and action plans. If needed, use family meetings to decide on any precautions your family might take and agree on how to manage important events.
Tips for effective family meetings:
- Set a specific time and location. Create a safe, comfortable, and productive space to help your family get the most out of your meeting times. The time should work for everyone, and the location should be convenient and conducive to good conversation. Be thoughtful about the temperature of the room—a room that’s too hot or too cold can be a distraction. A great time to schedule family meetings is after family meals—since everyone has eaten, it can help them focus on the conversation.
- Establish an agenda. Ask family members in advance what they’d like to talk about during the meeting. Remember, your agenda drives the length of your meeting, so it’s best to stick to 1 or maybe 2 topics per meeting. Hold shorter meetings when younger kids are present, maybe 10–20 minutes.
- Get everyone involved. All members should take on a role, even little kids. Decide who’ll be the leader, the note taker, and the timekeeper (although you might need to help your children under the age of 7 with their roles). Rotate responsibilities at each meeting. Also, make sure that everyone has “a seat at the table.” Everyone should be visible—not sitting off in a corner or behind other family members. This helps ensure that everyone is engaged and involved in the conversation.
- Take turns talking and listening. Set guidelines for how the meeting should run, including how everyone will communicate: take turns speaking, use “I” statements, and practice good listening skills. Think about what rules and guidelines might work best for your family and reevaluate the guidelines if needed.
- Encourage participation. While some people think they’re good at multitasking, research tells us that isn’t the case. To help ensure that everyone is able to focus on the issues, turn the TV and other devices off. This includes phones, tablets, and video games. Once everyone is able to focus on the conversation, ask for everyone’s opinions and ideas, especially when problem-solving or brainstorming. Take the time to enable each family member’s voice to be heard, especially without interruption or punishment. This effort helps build cohesion in your family unit.
- Write down your plan of action and debrief. Once your family decides how you’ll work towards achieving your joint goal, write things down and post the information where everyone can see it. Also, be sure to to debrief the family meeting. Ask your family what they think went well during the meeting and what they might want to change for future family meetings. It can also be beneficial to end the family meeting with something fun, such as a family tradition or playing a game together.
Family meetings are successful when kids learn effective problem-solving skills and everyone in the family feels heard. Get your loved ones together for your first family meeting this week!