Active listening is defined as the process of understanding what another person is saying. Because active listening is a process, that means it doesn’t happen automatically (that would simply be hearing). This means you need to put effort into actively listening to someone, and even more effort into ensuring you're understanding them the best you can.
Ways to show you're actively listening include:
- Making eye contact.
- Facing the person speaking.
- Having an open body posture (e.g., arms uncrossed, slightly leaning forward, etc.).
- Avoiding interrupting the speaker.
- Minimizing distractions (e.g., putting away phones, muting your email browser, etc.).
Ways to check your understanding of the person’s message include:
- Paraphrasing what the other person said (e.g., “It sounds like…”).
- Ensuring you aren’t adding in your own judgment.
- Asking, “Did I understand you correctly?” to check to see if you're accurately interpreting their message.
Active listening is an important skill because when it comes to communicating, you spend more time listening than you do other forms of communication, such as speaking or writing. Although how much time you spend listening likely differs based on your particular duty or role, generally, adults spend about 54% of their time awake listening, compared to about 16% talking and 11% writing.
During all this time spent time listening, people actively listen for different reasons:
- To focus on relationships: Some people listen to get to know others’ better, such as the other person’s emotions and interests, and to find common ground.
- For accuracy: Some people listen for concise and error-free information.
- To attend to details: Some people listen to pay close attention to details and think things through.
- For efficiency: Some people listen for quick and to-the-point information.
Want to assess which reason for listening you use most often? Indicate how much you agree or disagree with each statement below by writing a number from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree).
- _____ “I care deeply about how other people feel.”
- _____ “I like communication that is clear and concise.”
- _____ “I see myself as a ‘details person.’”
- _____ “I prefer making a schedule and sticking to it.”
- _____ “It is usually easy for me to trust other people.”
- _____ “I prefer communication that gets to the point.”
- _____ “I like having lots of information before making a decision.”
- _____ “I expect other people to respect my time and not waste it.”
Now, add up your scores:
- Add questions 1 and 5 for your “listening and relationships” score _____
- Add questions 2 and 6 for your “listening for accuracy” score _____
- Add questions 3 and 7 for your “listening to details” score _____
- Add questions 4 and 8 for your “listening for efficiency” score _____
Which of these scores is highest? That’s the reason why you actively listen most often. If you have 2 scores that are tied, then you might have more than one reason why you actively listen most of the time.
How to use active listening
Though there are many reasons why you might use active listening in your personal and professional interactions, these 3 ways to use active listening are probably most relevant to you as a Service Member:
- Active listening to resolve conflict.
Active listening is the most commonly used method to help resolve conflict. But active listening to resolve conflict is most effective when paired with other communication skills, such as empathy.
When actively listening to help resolve conflict, it’s helpful to first paraphrase what your relational partner is saying to check to make sure you’re accurately understanding the other person’s point of view and feelings. It can also be helpful to validate the other person’s feelings after paraphrasing, even if you don’t agree with them, to show that you aren’t taking sides (again, expressing empathy).
It can be very challenging to actively listen during a conflict interaction, and it’s natural to feel defensive. But active listening is a skill that will help resolve conflict and benefit your relationships.
- Active listening for mission success.
Active listening is an important part of completing successful and safe missions. Critical information is communicated during briefs and missions, therefore, it is important Service Members utilize active listening. And when team members actively listen to one another, missions are more effective. Service Members can also avoid mishaps and increase the safety of missions by actively listening.
- Active listening to get to know someone better.
By actively listening to others, you can get to know them better, which helps you establish and maintain interpersonal relationships. Whether you're on a first date, collaborating with new team members, or talking with your romantic partner, active listening is an important skill to deepen those relationships.
Ideas for how to adapt active listening
When you look in your toolbox and pick up your “active listening” tool, you decide how you want to use it. It’s important to adapt your goal for listening based on the interaction or situation. For example, you might:
- Focus on relationships when trying to resolve conflict or get to know someone better.
- Pay attention to accuracy when being briefed for a mission.
- Consider details when leadership asks you to brainstorm a creative solution.
- Focus on efficiency when you're short on time or need to be briefed quickly in an emergency.
If you’re having trouble actively listening to someone, try to reduce the barriers to effective listening. Noises, your mind wandering, or having a closed mind can all affect you.
- Noise can include:
- Loud sounds in your environment, such as loud music or mechanical equipment.
- Internal distractions, such as feeling hungry or tired.
If you can’t control the noises, try to step away to listen better or reschedule the conversation for another time when there are fewer distractions.
- Your mind wandering can include:
- Daydreaming.
- Thinking about your to-do list.
- Formulating the response you wish to say to the speaker.
Allowing your mind to wander means that you're not actively listening since you're thinking about other things. This can cause you to miss important details the speaker is sharing. Try to work on keeping your focus on the speaker.
- A closed mind means:
- You don’t listen to anything you disagree with.
- When you refuse to listen to anything you disagree with, you’re not allowing yourself the chance to learn from others and their experiences. This plays into confirmation bias and can negatively affect your relationships.
If you find yourself having a difficult time listening to something you disagree with, remind yourself that you don’t need to accept or agree with the speaker to show respect and actively listen to them.
If you're interested in developing your active listening skills, one strategy you can utilize is to practice mindfulness. When you practice mindfulness, you work to stay present, tune into your observations, and become more comfortable with silence—3 things that are also important for active listening. To learn more about mindfulness training, visit HPRC’s Performance Psychology section.
Reflection
To help you think about when to pick up your active-listening tool and improve your communication toolbox, reflect on:
- What’s my primary goal for active listening?
- Is it to focus on relationships, for accuracy, to attend to details, or for efficiency?
- How has my primary goal for active listening affected my relationships, both personally and professionally?
- When could I adopt a different primary goal for active listening in the future?
- What interactions or situations in my life do I want to make sure to actively listen?
- How do I think actively listening in those interactions or situations affects my relationships, both personally and professionally?
- What’s my plan to improve my use of active listening?
- What resources can I use to help me improve my active listening communication skills?
- What is my plan if I’m struggling to actively listen to someone?
- How will I ask for feedback if I’m not understanding them correctly?
- What other communication toolbox skills can I try?
Additional resources: Active listening
Check out these other HPRC articles about active listening:
