Introduction to empathy
Empathy is your ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else. It’s when you imagine what it’s like to be in someone else’s shoes and try to understand and share their emotions and thoughts. Empathy also involves communicating to them that you understand and respect their point of view—even if you don’t necessarily agree with them or haven’t experienced exactly what they’re going through. Some things to say to express empathy can be:
- “That would’ve upset me, too.”
- “I can see why you see it that way.”
- “I can imagine how exciting that is for you!”
You can see from these examples that expressing empathy isn’t limited to negative emotions, such as sorrow or pain. You can express empathy for positive and neutral emotions too, such as joy, excitement, and even confusion.
Remember, communication skills can be learned. This means you’re not necessarily born an empathetic person, but you can develop the skills to build up your ability to express empathy. To help you understand someone’s point of view, learn how to listen attentively, ask open-ended questions, and see and respond to nonverbal cues. The better you understand their emotions, the better you understand them.
How to use empathy
Though there are many reasons why you need to show empathy in your personal and professional interactions, these 3 ways to use empathy are probably the most relevant to you as a Service Member:
- Communicate empathy to strengthen a relationship.
Empathy can help you connect with others more sincerely. It’s a way to go beyond showing someone you care, it shows that you understand them. Feeling understood builds trust, and trust strengthens your relationship.
Example: “I can imagine how comforting it is to finally meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
Even though you maybe haven’t found your “the one,” when you communicate empathy to your friend and share in their new romantic relationship excitement, you’re strengthening your relationship with them.
- Communicate empathy to demonstrate leadership skills.
“Leadership” is often associated with a position or rank, but it’s really about the relationships between people. Empathy is an important aspect of leadership because it’s a way to show you understand not just “your people,” but others who might look up to you. Focusing on your team and their experiences can help you make decisions that benefit them, the military, and your unit’s culture. Communicating empathy builds mutual trust, increases safety, and boosts your team’s effectiveness.
Example: “I agree with how you feel about this upcoming deployment. The uncertainty of new environments can be really stressful.”
As an experienced Service Member, even though you might not be worried about the upcoming deployment, you can show your people that you understand by communicating empathy about their concerns.
- Communicate empathy to take care of others.
Using empathy is a way to take care of others, especially if you serve in a medical role. Medical staff often communicate with their patients in a serious tone of voice that focuses attention on their authority and professional knowledge. This can frustrate some patients. But, communicating empathy to your patients shows that you understand their concerns about their care and their health.
A way to build up your empathy skill is to practice the “loving-kindness meditation.” This specific meditation helps you develop your feelings of compassion, acceptance, and kindness. When you’re compassionate, accepting, and kind, you’re better able to take care of others—and yourself.
Example: “I understand what you’re saying. You want to make your health a priority, but it’s difficult because your job demands a lot of your time right now.”
Communicating empathy and understanding of other’s experiences can help you provide better compassionate care.
Ideas for how to adapt empathy
When you look in your toolbox and pick up your “empathy tool,” you decide how you want to use it. Think about what you’re trying to do. Are you trying to:
- Strengthen a relationship (maybe a friendship or new romantic relationship)?
- Connect with your people as a leader?
- Take care of others?
- Empathize with a negative, positive, or neutral emotion?
If you’re struggling with empathizing with someone because you’ve never experienced exactly how they feel, try to imagine what’s significant from their perspective. Don’t focus on how you think you’d react in the same situation. What do you think the world looks like through their eyes? What is it like to be them? Focusing on their perspective can help you truly empathize with them.
If you’re struggling with understanding other people’s emotions, it’s important to listen to and use any feedback from them. It’s rare that anyone is 100% accurate in understanding someone’s experience. But, being open-minded, actively listening, reading their nonverbal cues, and showing curiosity are all ways to truly understand things from their perspective.
Reflection
To help you think about when to pick up your empathy tool and improve your communication toolbox, reflect on:
- In which relationships in my life do I already communicate empathy?
- How has communicating empathy in those relationships affected them? For example: Do I feel closer to that person after expressing empathy?
- Which relationships in my life do I want to communicate empathy?
- How would communicating empathy in those relationships affect them? For example: Will I provide more compassionate care to my patients if I communicate empathy to them?
- How do I want to use empathy in the future? For example: Do I want to strengthen my relationships, demonstrate leadership, or take care of others?
- What’s my plan to improve how I communicate empathy?
- What resources can I use to improve my communicating empathy skills?
- What’s my plan if I’m struggling to empathize with someone?
- How will I ask for feedback?
- What other communication toolbox skills can I try?
Additional resources: Empathy
Check out these other HPRC articles about empathy:
- Empathy vs. sympathy
- Tips to boost social fitness
- How to react to good and bad news
- Impact of storytelling
