The way you use your mobile device around your family can affect your relationships. Cell phones can make you feel more connected, but they also can distract you and your family from connecting with each other in person. While some people need to check their phones for work or emergency purposes, it’s important to model and prioritize making meaningful connections through face-to-face communication.
Are cell phones ruining family time?
Some people have trouble putting away their cell phone even when it causes problems. They might feel a lack of control over how often they pick up their phone or how long they use it. They might feel the need to constantly check it without a real reason or feel upset if they don’t have access to the phone. Or they might feel the fear of missing out (FOMO) when not using their phones.
Even using a cell phone for work purposes during family time, such as family dinners, can increase distress and strain on a family. Snubbing your partner while on the phone (“phubbing”) is linked to lower relationship satisfaction among couples. And some people feel annoyed or ignored when their romantic partners use their cell phone during quality time, such as on dates.
While using their cell phones, parents talk to their kids less, respond more slowly, and overreact to being interrupted. Parents who are distracted by their phones might also miss out on opportunities to help their children learn and socialize. For example, while at playgrounds, an estimated 60–80% of parents use their cell phones, which can affect their ability to respond to their children's needs. In fact, 56% of parents using their phones don’t respond to their children’s calls for attention on the playground, compared to 11% of parents who don’t respond but aren’t using a mobile device. And parents’ own excessive cell phone use can make them feel like they don’t have control over their children’s cell phone use, which leads to parent-child conflict. It could be that children feel their parents aren’t practicing what they preach or aren’t consistent in enforcing rules around cell phone usage.
To assess whether cell phones are getting in the way of your family’s time together, ask yourself how much you use your own phone when you’re together. Maybe there’s an opportunity to cut back. Doing so can benefit you, your partner, your kids, and your relationships.
Tips for assessing your family’s cell phone usage
Once you’ve given some thought to your own cell phone use (and what you might be modeling for your family), think about the rules you want your family to follow when you’re together. To get your family on the same page, call a family meeting. Review each person’s current cell phone use, what’s working, and areas where you think some changes might help. But it’s not just about simply cutting down cell phone use. For example, when children are playing independently on the playground, it can be appropriate to use your phone in engaging ways, such as by taking photos, or as a way to occupy your time while your child learns important skills like independence and resilience. Making eye contact with your children while on the playground can increase their confidence and help them safely explore their surroundings, so it can be helpful to manage, but maybe not completely eliminate, your cell phone use.
Instead of only assessing whether you need to cut down your cell phone use, consider what you’re using your phone for and what activities you want to promote. For example, are you, your partner, or your children using your phones to stay connected, learn something new, do school work, or something else? Ask your partner and kids their opinions on your own cell phone use. You might be surprised by what they have to share. Use good communication skills by practicing active listening and showing curiosity about what each family member has to say and validate their perspectives. Consider the following questions and agree on a family media plan that works for everyone: 
- What does appropriate use of cell phones look like for our family?
- Are the rules different for parents vs. children?
- Can we agree to place all cell phones on silent, in a basket, or out of view during mealtimes and other family time?
- When do we want to use cell phones to play family games together?
- How does everyone feel about limiting cell phone use during family outings?
Quality time together strengthens family resilience, and positive family relationships can prevent problematic internet and cell phone use behaviors. People rate the quality of their conversations as “significantly higher” when smartphones are not present, regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, or mood. Less cell phone use also usually means less screen time, which allows kids to get outdoors and be more physically active. When teens spend more time actively engaged with their parents, they tend to set higher educational goals. Given these benefits of thoughtful cell phone use, think about what makes most sense for you and your family to promote strong family bonds!